I’m not really sure what came over me, or what my colleagues thought had come over me, when one day during a Wednesday afternoon CSR meeting, I proposed an idea.
After this year’s expected unsuccessful ballot attempts in both the London full and half marathons, and a wait to discover whether my charity applications had been accepted, I had an itch I needed to scratch.
What I’ve realised is that I’d become a little too comfortable with routine – same structure, same schedule, same way of thinking. I hadn’t challenged myself outside of work in a long time. Working in the city and commuting four hours a day keeps you on your toes, but somewhere along the way, I stopped making space for the kind of experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. I couldn’t remember the last time I did something that really made me surprise myself.
So, when I spotted the Lord Mayor’s Abseil challenge while researching charity and team events for the summer, I thought: “Go on then.”
Suddenly eager, I recruited my colleague Candela to take part with me. She’s adventurous and brave – a sailing enthusiast after all – and I knew she’d keep me calm on the day.
It was a beautiful sunny Friday, perhaps a little too warm given the afternoon’s activities. Apprehensive as anything, we headed over to the ‘Cheesegrater’ (aka The Leadenhall Building) to wait for our slot. Finally, it was our turn, and we headed up in the lift to the 47th floor, slightly hot and uncomfortable at this point in harnesses and belts aplenty.
The waiting around was dulling my excitement, until it was flattened to pure anxiety; watching others go over the edge, a terrified look on their faces. My instructor, Matt, then explained to me that it wasn’t only scary to get over the edge and begin to walk down the building, it was physically challenging too – who knew? I worried that with the electric nerves I was feeling, my brain might blank his instructions, and I would make a wrong move and somehow manage to send both of us tumbling down.
But that’s just the overthinker in me.
In reality, it was all okay. Okay as you can be hoisted 700 feet in the air. Matt told me to lean all of my weight back into the harness and rope. I frantically asked, “Are you sure? It will hold me? I’m not going to fall?” and several other irritating questions which probably ticked him off, during his 11th descent of the day. We stopped three floors down to look at the view, which was breathtaking. Matt asked if I wanted to look down. To my surprise, the word “yes” came out of my mouth, and I brazenly shot my gaze to the ground. Expecting to be hit with a wave of panic, somehow, I felt nothing. I wasn’t scared anymore. Or I was numb. Or having an out of body experience. I’m still not sure what came over me.
Towards the bottom, with burning biceps, I began to hear the ongoings of the “spectator zone”, where my family and our colleagues waited for us. They cheered and clapped, and I gave an awkward backwards wave, too nervous to turn around and start swinging everywhere.
The second my feet touched the ground, the adrenaline that had been coursing through me became palpable and almost blinding as the instructors unhooked me and I stumbled towards those watching. Of course, then came the photoshoot, my mother taking several from an awful angle for her Facebook friends (for goodness’ sake).
A special mention to Camilla, who, in my shaking adrenaline attack, handed me a can of Jubel. Happy days.
Overall, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. It was truly amazing, and I’m so proud of myself and Candela completing it and raising money for such a great cause. Our relationship with our future selves is a curious thing. We as humans often sign cheques we can’t cash, agreeing to things in the moment while imagining our future selves will be ready and willing. But In reality, we sign up, get there, and want to back out. This day was important to me, it proved that I can do hard things without letting nerves and anxiety get the better of me. The journey from saying yes to seeing things through doesn’t need to be clouded by doubt. Cash the biggest cheques, say yes more, and carpe diem!
Of course, this was all in support of The Lord Mayor’s Appeal, benefitting Homestay and MQ Mental Health Research – two incredible charities tacking the City of London’s greatest challenges. Thank you to those who have donated, and to the wonderful Haggie Partners whose support made this challenge possible. If you would like to donate, it’s still possible to do so until 1 August.